


Thirty-One

by cobaltdynasty



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Birthday, Childhood Friends, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, IgNoct, M/M, Noctis Lucis Caelum's Birthday, Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum, Protective Siblings, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-06-23 09:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15603585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobaltdynasty/pseuds/cobaltdynasty
Summary: Ignis relives his memories of Noctis' birthday, each chapter highlighting a year in Noct's life. Excerpts from a note book he never wrote.





	1. Long after everything ends.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this with His Highness' birthday in mind. Every chapter is a memory of that day from Ignis' POV, and how his relationship with the Prince changed throughout the years. Apologies for inaccuracies in timelines and events. All mistakes you found here are mine. Please be kind =D Kudos and comments are welcome!

 

-

I.. really wish I could remember more of this day, but I couldn’t.

I don’t believe I was old enough to remember.

But, I was definitely there.

Vague memories of the Citadel hall filled with laughter, chandeliers hanging in immense brightness, constant clatter of plates and clink of glasses.

A lot of people surrounding the King. A breathtakingly beautiful lady was standing beside him, it must have been Queen Aulea. She turned to me and smiled, before returning her attention to a piece of cloth in her arms.

I had never seen so much joy. 

 

At one particular moment that night, I heard a baby’s cry.

A loud cry.

Hushing and fondling followed.

A mother’s touch and love and the cry subsided.

To this day, I could hardly remember her face, a slender and graceful lady with her waist-long black curls.

Only after a short while, I realized she was holding something dearly in her arms, in that small piece of cloth, something everyone had gathered to see and celebrate.

_You._

 

Later that evening, I had been told it was the  _Prince_ ’s birthday.

A word I barely grasped the meaning of a few weeks prior.

Someone had just turned one.

And this person will someday become King after his father, like the father before his.

It was your cry back then, whilst in your mother’s arms.

Perhaps it was a form of your earliest battle with the hands of fate, clawing their fingers at your dear life since the beginning.

 

I really wish I could remember more of this day, but I couldn’t.

 

But the sound of your cry, a body so small, yet wanting to prove your existence so fiercely.

Fireworks lit up in the distance, bursting and falling apart softly, but it was your cry I could never forget.

Even now, I can still hear it with absolute clarity.

I wish I had a glimpse of what you looked like. A real look at you back then.

Even though I’d seen a lot of photos of you as an infant, played with you along these halls during our childhood, I really wished I could’ve known you from the day you were born.

What little age difference we had, I’d want to know you longer, even if it's just a day more.

I’d want to be there with you since the very beginning.

And long after everything ends.

And never part. 

 

Happy Birthday, my Prince.


	2. To gods I did not know existed.

-

The Citadel staff were busy when I came to visit, I couldn’t understand why.

I heard murmurs.

Oh, it was that day. I thought.

But, would there be a celebration today? It’s barely been a month since.

It seemed like it was only yesterday when I saw the King standing there with the love of his life next to him.

News related to the Queen’s passing and story of her life still made it to many TV channels today.

Uncle said it was a terrible illness, rare but deadly, and one that took her away swiftly.

It was much quieter this year, and hollow.

The King insisted to have a celebration still, however small it was.

I was never close to the Queen, nor the King himself, but I saw them more as a parent too. They’ve always looked after us and protected our family like his own kin, the same way we’ve been at the service of their royal house in return.

The nation was still mourning.

I didn’t like that feeling.  
  
  


I didn’t understand the concept of death.

_"So, where is she now? Is she ever coming back?”_

Curiosity of a child.

_“What is it like in Heaven? Is it a place grander than the Citadel she doesn’t want to come back?”_

Thoughts of a child.

_“If she really loves her family, why doesn’t she come back to be with them?”_

Words of a child.

I was told we do not get to choose our length of stay in this world.

And, when our time has come, we do not have the power to go back.

_“Really? But, she’s the Queen. Aren’t Kings and Queens able to do whatever they like?”_

Kings and Queens were mere humans in the eye of the gods. Our lifespans as short as the blink of an eye.

_“You told me once King Regis is strong, surely he has that power to bring her back? He has magic."_

Uncle only smiled to me, kneeling in front of me, and I saw clearer vision of his eyes with tears pooling at the edge.

I was sent home that day, while he stayed. Perhaps King Regis wanted some space, there was not many guests attending this private dinner.

Would Prince Noctis be there, too? I thought so. It was his birthday after all, right?

I couldn’t help but think how the Prince would feel.

I still remember how his mother’s gentle voice calmed him that day when he cried.

 _"Who will take care of the Prince now that his mother is gone?"_  
  
  


I was told, too, I will learn about all this soon.

But, not today.

The Kingdom of Lucis, past rulers who’ve protected this nation since the beginning of time.

Power of Kings.

Their magic.

Their gift.

And their curse.

I didn’t understand the perpetuity of death. Not until several years later.

I didn’t understand the fear it instills in people’s heart. Not until I saw with my own eyes how death came and took its rightful claim.

And death always win.

Uncle told me I would learn about all that soon, but nothing could have prepared anyone for this lesson.

I didn't understand the desparation until I had to bargain for your life. Anything it may ask, I would give.

I didn't understand the grief that comes at the face of death. Not until you were taken away from me. 

 

By the time Uncle returned from the Citadel, I asked him what should I wish for someone who's celebrating his birthday. He told me I should pray for his well-being, his health and long life. But, most importantly, for his happiness. 

So, I did just that. To gods I did not know existed.

I couldn't remember my exact words of prayer, but it was just that, so that death doesn't come to you as you continue to age.

 

Happy Birthday, my _Prince_. 


	3. "If you know where to look, I think you can."

-

The heat was overwhelming that day. Humid winds sweeping away long-hanging clouds.

Fifteen minutes of walking from where we left the train station from Citadel Center, and we arrived at a toy store one block away from the Caelum Royal Gallery.

It was unusual for Uncle to bring me along while he did his errands. I supposed this wasn't one since he was officially off-duty that day.

The store was packed with children aged two to twelve, alongside their parents and siblings.

A few of them were much older. It was then when I saw a particular boy looking at a telescope being displayed in the middle of the store.

I was intrigued, he mentioned something about pointing them up to the night sky and seeing diamonds spread against the vast darkness.

I asked him whether we can see the gods in the sky, he laughed at my question before replying, “If you know where to look, I think you can.”

I was more intrigued. I remember seeing one of them beautifully drawn in a picture book at the Citadel library.

Fiery eyes and dual-thorns majestically crowning his head, with flame alight at the palm of his hand. He was named Ifrit.

I went on to find that kind of books to read, managed to pick a few of them from a nearby shelf.

“Mr. Scientia, apologies for the wait, but your item is ready now, I shall have them wrapped for you.”

Uncle bought a large toy car that day, now wrapped in balloon-patterned coloured paper.

Attached on top of it is a blue ribbon, and an empty card he took out for me to write.

“Is this for the Prince? Is it his birthday again today?”

He nodded and smiled to me, saying the Prince is now three years old, and the King often brought him along to his office along with his toys.

“What kind of person is he like? Does he like cars?”

“You will meet him soon, my dear, perhaps you’ll learn the kind of person he is. What he likes, and what he dislikes.”

Honestly, I was delighted.

I knew it was not long ago the Prince came into this world, but at that age I barely made any mental note of age difference. Let alone what it meant to be a child.

What made me happy was simply the fact that we’re not much different after all, probably we could be great friends.

And friends play with each other a lot, don’t they?

I saw how they were whenever I walked past near playgrounds, and I often wonder why didn’t I attend a normal school and had a lot of friends like they did.

Then again, I enjoyed the company of books around me, I often got lost in them while I was around other kids.

“Really? I get to meet him? Does he like books?” Now tugging a copy of Cosmology book closer in my arms before Uncle took it from me to be checked out at the cashier.  

“Now, this is a beautiful book. Are you sure this is the only book you want? Anything else, perhaps?”

I nodded.

"Never toys?"

And I shook my head.

“Perhaps you can bring some of your books along, I don’t think he hates books, Ignis.”

“Then, what does he hate?”

“Hmm.. let’s see. His hatred for veggies in his meal is rather well-known. He hates them.”

“He should like them. Didn’t you always say veggies are good for us?”

“Yes, of course they are. Try to encourage him to eat more when you see him, okay?”

Nodded.

It was another long walk home again, and it took only a short moment for Uncle to shower and hurry himself back to the Citadel to see the King and his son.

Perhaps they were holding a small party. I wasn’t sure.

I couldn’t shake off the image of my own scribbles I wrote that afternoon on his card greetings.

I really wished I could rewrite the whole thing, some of the letters were crooked but Uncle insisted it was okay.

 

Happy Birthday, _Prince_ Noctis.


	4. Zoo in the sky.

-

I had barely known the meaning of friends.

 _So this is how it felt like._ I thought.

You kept asking me to play along with you and your mountain of toys.

Even today as you insisted on opening every single present the moment you received them.

“Iggy, let’s open the red one!” You called out to me so many times, if I counted it may had been more than a hundred times a day.

Funny how you struggled to say my name the first time we met and the few days after.

_“Igg.. Iggisss..”_

With what help the King gave to pronounce it correctly, you still kept on calling me _“Iggisss..”_

I didn’t mind, after having heard it said for more than a hundred times a day, I was no longer 'Ignis' in your presence. I was officially 'Iggy'.

“Iggy! Look, there’re two trains in this box! That one is yours! And this one is mine!”

It took all my energy to stop calling you Your Highness. You insisted.

By this time of the year we grew close as to call each other by names.

I listened to this beautiful rhythm of a boy drowned in happiness, loud clatter in the room decorated in balloons of numerous colours.

We’ve only known each other for a few months, and even in the first few, I heard stories from Uncle every day, of you asking whether or not I would be visiting the Citadel tomorrow.

You'd share all of your toys and all you wanted to do was play, and when you grew tired you’d fall asleep just about anywhere.

Several times we had the King visit us, you were soundly asleep with your head on my lap, and all I could do back then was pick up a nearby book to read. It was the least I could do not to wake you up.

His Majesty laughed.

I always remembered his words asking me to stand by his son’s side, as a friend and as a brother.

I didn’t know what he meant, so I did just that, I tried to be around you whenever I could. And whenever I could not, you almost always made your way out to have me beside you.

Perhaps not long after that, I was privately tutored at the Citadel along your side. I had to be honest it was a huge obstacle getting you to study, until I showed you one of my picture books.

Several books about the stars and legends took your attention away from toys.

Remember how I said I promised to bring more of them if you manage to finish a particular chapter in writing lessons? The tutor was pleased back then, you wrote neatly each letters of the alphabet from one page to another in repetition.

 _So, today is my promise to you._ I thought.

A promise you probably had forgotten that day, piled up under the mountain of much grander gifts received from a lot of royal guests.

We bid our farewell, seeing how tired your eyes looked, you must have forced yourself so much without realizing, you insisted to play with me even when it was past our bedtimes.

“Bye, Iggy.. Come back tomorrow morning, okay? Promise?” He waved and I nodded.

_I promise._

Keeping the same promise, every day.

 

It hit me several years later.

Not long after you lost your smile, that all you ever wanted was a friend.

Perhaps you were lonely.

Being a small prince in an adult world of responsibilities and royal duties. In a palace which must have felt more like a prison to you.

 

I woke up the next morning to have Uncle asking me about a particular birthday present the Prince had received.

He said the Prince was reluctant to go to sleep last night after we all went home. He said you went through piles of gifts, disregarding the ones we’d already opened, only stopping after you found a small box, opening it straight away to see a stargazing book for kids titled "Zoo in the Sky". Then, you tried to read through them, falling asleep with the book still opened on your pillow.

“That was from you, wasn’t it?”

I nodded, “How did you know it was from me?”

“You wrote him a birthday card, didn’t you?” He smiled. “Exactly like the one you did last year.”

 

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy. On my face was probably the widest smile I’d had in a while.

 _So, he remembers about the book after all._ I thought.

I think I'm beginning to learn the kind of person you are now.

 

Happy Birthday, Noctis.


	5. But, you smiled.

-

I was seriously starting to doubt whether royalties were blessed with magical powers.

It took me several weeks to figure out how you managed to escape lessons after lessons unnoticed.

Finding you was an entirely different matter.

Sometimes it took more than three Crownsguard officers just to check on places you’re likely to hide.

After a while, I grew accustomed of your hide-and-seek hobby. Most of the time I managed to spot you before they did.

One time you were found in the Citadel garden claiming to chase after a certain cat, your clothes were all dirty and crumpled. Another time you were found sleeping in the Citadel library, well-hidden by tall shelf. It took me a while to figure it out since you kept asking me about more picture books, perhaps you grew impatient finding them all on your own.

Convincing you to return to the study room was also an entirely different matter altogether.

One time it made me think I’d had better chances of meeting one of the Astrals myself than having you return to your study. You insisted you were too sleepy to walk, it was then I had to carry you on my back to your room.

Citadel was an immense building, one would easily get lost in if they’re not familiar with it on a daily basis.

I took my time to memorize locations of a lot of rooms, there were different departments each allocated certain levels of floors.

It was a maze.

But, today, it seemed as if you brought me into a separate set of maze through all its passages and hallways I have yet to remember, into a special kitchen designated for preparation of the King’s meal.

You must’ve known a lot of shortcuts to avoid being caught, I thought.

You kept on going, apparently ignoring my plea, stopping at the end of a large table and pointing at something that looked like a large multilayered cake with unlit candles on top.

"Noct, let’s go back. We have to get you prepared, everyone will be here to see you in less than an hour.”

I could not believe my eyes when you poked at the edge of the cake, taking out a whole lump of icing with our finger, at the same time trying to feed it to my mouth.

Half of the piece dropped onto my shirt, but there was no time to have it properly cleaned. We really needed to have you return to your room to get ready for your own sake.

Later that evening, I could only stay quiet when the King grew furious looking at his son’s imperfect birthday cake, knowing it was his son’s own doing.

I was not sure if His Majesty paid any attention to the small remnants of cake smeared on my shirt.

I did had Uncle helping me to clean them not long after you blew out your candles.

Five minutes later, you insisted that I shared a piece of cake you had on your plate, fusses and chatter before knocking the whole piece of cake off the table onto the floor.

Now a large smear also all over my shirt and shoes. 

Everyone shocked, the King even more furious, at wits end with his son.

But you smiled. 

You smiled in such a way that made me and everyone else forgave you, despite what disaster you managed to bring using sugar and icings alone.

There was nothing to forgive.

The King soon burst into laughter.

And that’s the power you had on every one’s heart.

You were happy and that’s all that mattered.

 

Happy Birthday, Noctis.


	6. "The Chosen One?"

-

There were people placed outside in every room we’re in now.

It’s not like they were doing anything, most of the time they stood guard while Noctis spent time in his chamber, playing more than studying.

I noticed a lot more new people are also present in the Citadel. They donned on a slightly different uniform than those worn by the Crownsguard. Uncle said they’re called Glaives, an elite team of forces established by the King as an extra safeguard for the royal family.

Everyone around us seemed tense, there were always urgent meetings. I once overheard one of the glaives member talking about another attack closer to Insomnia.

“Is that why the King is worried lately?”

“Yes, my dear, amongst other things. His Majesty is also worried about Prince Noctis.”

“Why? Is he in danger? Will the empire attack us too?”

“I hope it will not ever come to that. But, we must protect the Prince now more than ever, I received word from His Majesty that Prince Noctis is the Chosen one.”

I knew about the prophecy too, but I never quite grasped the meaning of it. And there I was, confused and wanting to know more of it, I climbed up to a nearby stool at the edge table, hoping Uncle would tell me more about the prophecy I read in the book. “The Chosen one?”

“Yes, it is a prophecy that has been told for generations, one day the Chosen King will lead us all to out of the darkness. And, that is a very heavy burden to carry. Prince Noctis needs to be strong.”

 

It was around that time when I noticed more of your eating habit. What picky eater you are, you tend to choose savory dishes.

There was a variety of dishes laid out tonight, but one in particular you did not touch.

Steamed mushrooms mixed in several types of vegetables.

His Majesty took a spoonful of it and placed it on your plate, insisting for you to try them because, trust me, Noct, they tasted good. But, you shook your head, passable as half a tantrum, and I always tried to calm you down.

“Noct, please eat your veggies, you need to be a strong King one day. Uncle said eating veggies will make you strong.” By then, I felt like you were a dear little brother I was responsible to take care of. I tried convincing you again and again, managing a slight smile while chewing a piece of broccoli in my mouth, hoping you will be enticed to try.

“No! I don’t wanna!”

Perhaps it was too much for you that day. You left the table, and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving us speechless.

Thinking back to those days really brought slight embarrassment to me. How could I, being such a mindless child, addressed you in such a manner in front of the King himself. Did His Majesty ever thought I was being too friendly that I should’ve acted differently?

I nearly stumbled on my chair when I got off it, too quickly manner trying to follow you, after bowing and apologizing to the King. “I’m sorry.” My distress probably splattered all over my face.

I did not know what I was apologizing for. At that moment I felt like it was the right thing to do.

Luckily I managed to chase after you and convinced you to come back, even managed to have you took one spoonful of spinach on your own.

Only one bite, then I could not risk you storming out of the table again before you even blew out your candles.

 

A while after you left for your room, His Majesty walked closer to me, thinking it was going to be the scolding I deserved.

I froze, but His Majesty smiled as he kneeled lowering his eyes to my level. “I’m sorry for what happened today,” was all I could think of to say. Again, at that moment it felt like the right thing to do.

“Ignis, I should be the one apologizing for my son. I am sure today is not the first time he’s behaving in such manner.” I could only look up to him for a few seconds, before looking back down at my feet.

I knew His Majesty was not angry. But, why did I feel guilty? For a while, I pondered before realizing I felt sad not being able to handle your feelings. You were only a child, and you hate what you hate.

Have I not lived up to their expectations of taking care of the Prince? Deep down, I did not do it just because you were a Prince, but because I truly wanted the best for you.

His Majesty kept his glance at me and laughed, acutely aware of my fingers tugging nervously at my shirt. “I assure you it will not be the last time either, Ignis. I am glad to see that you two bonded very well, please continue to stay beside him even when he’s being difficult. He will need you more than ever now as his friend.” I had to readjust my glasses after His Majesty so ruffled my hair before he left.

But, why did His Majesty sound so sad on this festive day?

 

To be honest, I was glad you had less tantrum this half of the year compared to when you first started your school. Remember how you kept pulling on my shirt refusing to attend classes unless I come along with you? I hoped to find less of these occasions this year, you were no longer a small child as of today.

 

Happy Birthday, Noctis.


	7. A pair of broken glasses was all I had.

-  
I always found it unusual for His Majesty to have you enrolled here.

It was custom for princes and princesses to be privately educated at the Citadel by Insomnia’s best tutors. Once in a while, they normally attended few organized group studies with other children of noble families.

One thing I knew, you’re certainly gifted with exceptional aptitude, you could certainly hone you skills with just a little bit of extra practice. If only.

But, here you were in Insomnia Primary, making friends and blending in with a lot of commoners. 

I found it odder still seeing your birthday celebrated at school this year. It was actually quite normal for children to celebrate it together with their friends at school.

Was this a change His Majesty was hoping to see in the future? For royal families to be closer to the people? I sensed it was a good thing seeing you surrounded by a lot of people, but it seemed there was none you were particularly close with. 

You looked thrilled throughout the day, a lot of them seemed to admire you, I could count at least five girls trying to get closer to you, and I expected the number to grow by the time you got into high school. 

Everything was normal, until one of them tried to take away your present, that you ended up fighting with him.

It took me a pair of broken glasses and several teachers to separate the two of you.

You were heavily scolded nonetheless, the poor boy only meant to borrow it for a while. 

Children fought. It’s always been inevitable.

But, I was surprised by your bravery going up against someone with a physique much bigger than you. Funny how frustrated you grew that moment, despite you always sharing all of your toys with me ever since we knew each other. 

 

“My.. Your Highness, what happened to you? Are you okay?” I was still struggling to find words to explain when Uncle greeted us just as we got off the car. A representative from the school also came along to explain. You were okay, but had small bruise on your cheek from the fight. 

“And, Ignis? What happened to your glasses? What is going on between you two?” Worried face, all seen through one missing lens and slightly crooked frame.

I was only beginning to explain the situation when His Majesty walked towards us, apparently on his way out of the Citadel to attend on a state matter.

Scolding began, but you replied in defiance. 

I could not escape my part of scolding I deserved from Uncle, too. But to my surprise, you stood in my defense, “It was not Iggy’s fault. Don’t blame him!” 

Calming you at that stage was futile. 

Words after words, in tones more raised than the one before, until His Majesty’s calm question stopped you, “You could’ve hurt Ignis, Noct. Have you ever thought about that?”

Several seconds passed, but you said nothing. 

“I know, it was not you who broke his glasses, but what if those broken shards entered his eyes. He would be severely injured, all because he was trying to stop a fight you started.”

To be honest, seeing the look on your face that day hurt me more than anything.

“Your Majesty, I’m okay. The prince were playing together with his friends and he didn’t mean any harm.” I had to, I couldn’t stand that look while you stood motionless with a broken gaze. “I beg Your Majesty’s pardon, it was not his fault either.”

“Ignis, dear. I’d want him to learn that his actions have profound effects on those around him, good or bad. He should understand this well way before he assumes the throne. But, thank you, for protecting him. I am glad both of you are okay.”

 

It got me worried how quiet you were even after they got you showered and cleaned. I still waited to make sure you were okay and properly treated. 

“Iggy, I’m sorry.”

I was more surprised at this remarks considering I was okay. A broken pair of glasses was all I had, but I was not injured at all. 

“Are you hurt? Come with me, they’ll fix you.” Maybe a scrape on an elbow when I tried to break my fall earlier that day. I had not realized it until it felt slightly painful when you grabbed my hand, insisting that I go with you to the infirmary. 

“It’s okay, Noct. I’m okay.”

But, you had that slightly confused look as if I had something on my face, when I actually had nothing at all. Not even my glasses. “You’re sure?” 

“Yes, I’m sure. But, thank you. I’ll be heading home soon, you should rest now.” 

More confused look. 

“… Is something wrong? Are you still hurt?”

“No. I’ve never seen you without your glasses. Can you still see?”

I couldn’t help but chuckled at your question. “Of course, I can. My sight is not that bad, Noct. I can still see fine without glasses.”

“But, why glasses then?”

 

It was rather hectic day for us, time flew with all of us worried about your injury, and I almost forgot to wish you that day. 

Happy birthday, Noctis.


	8. A drawing of two stickman figures.

-

Remember the time when I told you about a certain instrument that allows you to see beyond the sky?

I still remember how intrigued you were, imagining it to be some sort of magical gigantic pair of glasses that unveils the stars in the sky from the invisible dark curtains.

“It’s called a telescope, Noct.”

 

Remember that star map we looked at, the one we spent days to locate at the Citadel library.

I was sure it was the correct one, based on our current location and time of the year.

Library staffs were confused about just what we were looking for, it was a good thing they could not refuse anything you asked.

Shelf after shelf, more than three dozen books scattered on the floor.

In fact, I was only trying to show you mythical animals hidden in the sky.

It was a time for meteor shower too, with any luck, we would be able to spot one or two falling stars.

 

I had hoped you would succumb to any other books on the topic here.

No matter how many other books we found about the stars, you always insisted my books were the best.

Remember how you always returned them to me with a lot of scribbles of coloured pencils and crayons? In fact, several days later I found a drawing of two stickman figures in the corner of a page, one of them had a round pair of glasses on. So, that was how you see me in your eyes?

 

Tonight, too.

You made your point when you scribbled across several pages in a particular book belonging to the library.

I have yet to come up with a good excuse to explain this for when I returned them later.

I doubt we could see a lot of stars from the Crown City, a lot of the books mentioning light pollution and that tonight’s weather may not be as friendly for stargazing.

But, we tried.

It was the least I could do considering it was your wish to see a star now that your dear Father had gotten you a telescope for your special day.

There, the two of us, marveling at galaxy’s oldest mysteries.

Both of us sharing the same feeling as if we’re apart of something bigger than ourselves.

Fingers continuously pointing at different parts of the sky.

Eagerness and impatience in trying to spot a certain creature sleeping in the dark.

It was a good thing that I prepared us several small pillows and a light blanket. Summer night breeze can be cold, especially past midnight.

We couldn’t spot a single falling star.

Maybe it was not dark enough here.

Maybe we just missed it as it quickly passed by.

I suggested we head back, but it took more than half an hour trying to wake you, and another half an hour to walk you back to your room with a pace slower than a turtle while you kept your eyes closed.

I was sure we managed to sneak out and back in unnoticed by the guards that night.

Or in the unlikely events that we were, maybe the guards kept quiet about it from the King.

I stayed there for the night, after you insisted and pleaded with your father. After all, you had no class the next day, Sunday was always a time to play.

His Majesty agreed, considering he was always pleased with your grades.

 

Remember how you grabbed onto my sleeve the whole night with your head on my arm, I could barely move it the next day it felt stiff.

But, I was really happy being able to spend the whole day with you on your special day.

I could feel you were, too.

But, you were mumbling in your sleep.

"Iggy.. you'll be here tomorrow.. right?

 

Happy Birthday, Noctis.


	9. Rules unfairly written by the gods.

-

It was still hard to leave you alone in your sleep.

Your nightmares less frequent now, but they seemed to have made their way back to you from time to time.

That day, you looking heartbreakingly fragile in your father’s arms, older and fresher blood no longer distinguishable from one another, several drops of crimson made their way down your arms, staining the ever pristine marble floor.

I did not know if a person could ever more desperate than a human being on the verge of losing his love.

_Love?_

 

Several fevers almost took you down, I knew how much you were clinging to dear life, fighting for it all on your own.

Day by day, I sat beside you, calling out your name in the hopes that you’d open your eyes, calming you whenever nightmares took over, wiped away your sweat and tears as you writhed in pain.

After dark, the Citadel was hushed.

The only lights remaining were from the windows several floors below and the adjacent towers.

A few caretaker ladies came in and out, His Majesty came by more often despite his busy schedules.

And I stayed there, sleeping where I could on that chair beside your bed.

It was pouring hard that night, while I sat on the window sill, my thoughts drowned by the low rumbling sounds of angry thunder in the distant, and certain anger also stirred up in me.

Feeling powerless, in a waiting game with rules unfairly written by the gods, and we could do was pray.

 

But, when you came back, you were no longer the same.

Those days of running through the halls filled with innocent laughter were gone.

The wound on your back would most certainly leave a scar.

You were mostly back on your health now, not yet able to walk on your own.

 

I’d hoped you would return to your former self, fully recovered by the time you came back from Tenebrae, carrying bright smiles on your face.

But, you didn’t.

You would not tell me of the events unfolding in Tenebrae, but the grave news traveled fast that day.

A part of me hated myself for not being able to protect you.

You barely escaped with your life, all owing it to His Majesty's power.

 

This room was once alive with your laughter.

I understood that moment what your smiles meant to me, and that I would guard it with my world.

_What is this feeling?_

I finally understood the feeling I’d been keeping through these years. It was the first time I realized that the one person who made me the happiest is also the person who can bring me the most agony.

 

Many said it was unfortunate for us to celebrate this way, with you still weakly recovering in your bed.

I'd say we're grateful, more than anything, that you're here with us today.

His Majesty insisted that I should rest now that everything had settled, but there was one particular request I hoped he would grant.

“Your Majesty, I would like to join the crownsguard.”

 

It would have to wait for several more years, but I waited patiently, doing what I could should there ever be a day where you'd need me for your life. 

 

Happy birthday, Noct. 


	10. The promise to guard that smile still lives.

-

I really wished His Majesty would refuse his son’s request for a video game console this year.

He was reluctant at first, but he gave in in the end. I understood the need to make you feel less suffocated in your own home. It was harrowing seeing you spend time alone when you didn’t have any close friends at school.

Everything followed the rules now, there were limits on what you could do and where could you go.

Since that day, it took a considerable amount of effort to get you focused on your study routines. 

 

One day, while on the subject of healthy diet, vegetables and your persistence in avoiding them; you mentioned something about a particular pastry you had back in Tenebrae.

I found it odd that you recalled it from memory, considering it was a memory you were never fond of. 

What books and tips from Citadel chefs, I tried finding more information about the delicacy. It seemed simple to create, a matter of the right ingredients with right proportions.

“Uncle, do you think I can borrow the Citadel kitchen?”

 

I had to admit cooking was a challenge. Certainly it was not as simple as ingredients and proportions.

While I was intensely trained in various subjects to prepare for my future role, cooking was not one of them. It was something I took upon my own curiosity, which I never knew would eventually become indispensable considering your unhealthy choice of food.

 

“Iggy?” A small head poked in into the kitchen, “So, this is where you’ve been hiding.”

_Hiding?_

“I was trying to create that pastry you liked. Would you like to try? I am not sure if they are up to your liking.”

“Of course, I would. The ones from Tenebrae were really nice, Iggy. I wish you could try them,” I watched as you took your first bite, fourth-try, after I decided the first three were closer to failures.

Judging from the look on your face, it seemed my fourth attempt was still far from what you had in mind, and my thoughts were confirmed, “…not the same as what I had.. Definitely not this sweet, and flakier.”

“I see, perhaps a different type of butter then, and definitely less sugar.”

“Yes, this is wayy too sweet. Oh, but what is this smell? It doesn’t come from the pastry.” Yes, you were right, I was trying on several other dishes while they’re baking in the oven.

“The rice? I followed a recipe I’ve gotten earlier from the head chef.”

“Can I try them? I’m starved. I can’t wait that long till dinner time with dad,” and with that you grabbed a spoonful of what I managed to prepare and haven’t had the chance to try myself.

“Are you sure, Noct? Try to spare yourself for the cake they’ve so eagerly prepared for you,” this time I watched your eyes glowed and lips twisting into a bright smile, not long after you swallowed the first bite.

“Iggy, this is delicious! Tell me you also have this prepared for tonight’s dinner!”

“Wh- no, I’m sorry, Noct. That was all I had, I can certainly prepare some more for you tomorrow.”

“No! Let’s have it for tonight! Dad will be delighted, I’m sure he’ll love it, too!” I suddenly remember this light in your eyes, the faint glow that always remained inside me, the one I’ve been trying to revive all this time.

“Noct, I’m afraid we can’t. With what little time left before dinner, it is impossible to gather more ingredient needed for the dish.”

Then, I remember too, that pout lips. The one you always had every time I said we should return to your study.

“Tomorrow, then?”

 

The promise to guard that smile still lives.

At least today, you had that grin on you when you told His Majesty about the pastry I failed to create. More so when you insisted he should try the rice bowl I prepared, when it was not all that much to begin with.

 

Happy Birthday, Noct.


	11. The most beautiful metamorphosis.

-

“Hurry, Iggy!”

“Wait, Noct! You’re not supposed to be here! We have to go back! If your father finds out, he’ll-“

“Sshh.. keep quiet! There’s a passage at the back of the garden. Trust me, it’s never guarded.”

“But, it’s getting dark! We can’t have you running in danger!”

“We’ll be okay. You got my back, right?”

 

Following you in and out of the Citadel had always been a nightmare. So far, we managed to go unnoticed, returning back to the Citadel without raising anyone’s suspicion.

But, then again, we’ve only wandered as far as candy shops at the far end of Citadel Station. I had a feeling the old man knew of your identity, from the way he addressed you far more politely than any other customers.

I didn’t know how far we went that day.

We walked, stopped at a minimart somewhere for a sandwich, and walked some more. Crown City was such a big city, no matter how much we walked, the four walls surrounding us never seemed to be closer.

Again, I suggested for us to head back, and admitted to myself that we’re lost by now.

Ten minutes’ walk brought us to a river bank, what drew our attention was the mesmerizing sight of lights floating in the dark.

“Iggy, they glow!”

“Yes, Noct. They’re called fireflies. It is rare to see them this late into summer here.”

“Why? Do they fly off to another place soon?”

“No.. They die, Noct. Adult fireflies have very short lifespans, some may say only up to 2 months. As summer draws near, most of their population will perish.”

“Wh- are you telling me they’re going to die soon? But, they’re now flying about with all these lights in them. I’ve only read about them in school, I never thought they’re beautiful up close.”

“They are, indeed."

“… So, what happens when they die?”

"Legend tells us that light from the fireflies carries the soul of the deceased, who return to us from the other world. That is why, they disappear come morning.”

"No wonder we don't get to see them during the day. I'm suddenly remembering that classic prose ' _The Light of the Firefly_.' We were just discussing it several days ago at school."

"Oh? A good coincidence to relate them now that we found some fireflies."

"Yeah, it was sad. ' _Years have gone by without notice. Day has dawned; this morning we part._ ' Something like that."

"I didn't know you have such affinity for poetry, Noct."

"Hey! At least you know I have been paying attention in class!"

 

The fireflies made a magical sound, despite us being in the center of the city, here they were unbeknownst to us they thrived and danced in a world of their own, captivating those lucky ones who happened to pass by. I struggled to find an answer, and you stood there, now lost in their world.

“Do you think mom ever visit us?” He let float it in the air, as if demanding for answer and not wanting to hear one at the same time.

“Noct..”

“Even if she did, I wouldn’t recognize her, I could hardly remember her face.”

You were unusually talkative that night.

“Do you think we get to visit our friends if we die?”

You then went on endlessly about power of the crystal, the Oracle family you met, and about you being the Chosen.

“Do you think I can? What does being chosen by the crystal mean anyway?”

Legends has it that The Chosen King will bring us light, the exact meanings were unclear. And both of us pondered at it in silence. “I’m sure you can, you have everyone around you who will guide and support you along the way. You always doubt yourself, Noct. You can shine, just like these fireflies lighting up the dark in their flight.”

Though, this time, it seemed that my words did not get to you. You continued to look down at your feet, full of doubt and full of fear.

That fear never left you.

“I’m just afraid of letting everyone down. I feel like I can’t do anything, and dad wouldn’t even let me go anywhere.”

“Noct, just know that these fireflies spent almost their entire lifetime preparing before cocooning themselves into another form. They took their time, and so will you. Your time to shine will come.”

“But, why do fireflies have to die so soon?”

 

There are many questions each of us has in our mind, most of them remained unanswered. I know fireflies shine brightest closer to their death, I did not know why they died just when their lives are meant to start anew.

That was what I believed back then. That someday, you too, would undergo periods that would make you a great King, and that you’d shine brightest for us all.

A light that remained dark in me even after dawn came. A light I wished would never return.

I thought about the process each fireflies had to go through, and thought about how you changed, it was probably the most beautiful metamorphosis anyone could ever witness.  

 

Our walk back to the Citadel was quiet.

Side by side, but we were both comfortable in that silence.

We knew we would probably be scolded and grounded by the time we returned, but it was okay.

Your eyes still shone brightly in the dark today, a tinge of sapphire blue, and they would shine fiercer still for many years to come.

 

Happy Birthday, Noct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes to "Grave of the Fireflies" and relating it a lot to the classic Japanese song "Hotaru no Hikari", meaning Light of the Firefly. I had been rewatching this masterpiece, and thought Noct's life is too fleeting, no one knew what the future has in mind for them T_T


End file.
